I tried to ignore the signs calling for this blog because thinking about this makes me so emotional. However I am so thankful that I am chosen to share. The happiest day of my life was the day I laid eyes on my son. Everybody was there awaiting his arrival, my mom, grandma, grandpa (waiting in the car) great grandma, my cousins, and a few aunts. I never thought I could love another person so much. I immediately wanted to shun him from the world and I didn't even understand why. Though I was only 18 when I gave birth a 8lb 0 ounce baby boy, Kristopher Marcus Hamilton, 6/25/1995, I instantly knew I wanted to do my best to ensure that he'd never feel the pain I felt as a black woman. I hadn't (at that time) really understood the struggles of a black man. I mean in my eyes men were men no matter what the color because all I knew when the guys and girls, I hung out with and went to school with. And all of us were minorities. However my son taught me something I will never ever forget. Something my Grandma and my Grandma had been sharing with us about their childhoods and dealing with "the white man".
Wow... How can I say it and it make sense to you all? Give me the strength, God. Well because my son wasn't talking and communicating the same as the other children in our family people thought "something's wrong". They kept trying to get me to take him to doctor and have him "checked out". And I am going to tell yall why. My son as a baby didn't trust lots of people I took him around including family. Strange I know. I mean as long as I my grandmother, my mother, and my father, were in his sight he was fine. No matter who was around. But the moment one of us stepped out he would cut up. I remember his first pediatrician telling me. I know people may look and you and judge you and say his is spoiled. But believe me it's not that. He sees and senses and she said he is trying to show you (talking about me), she was Indian, she started asking questions about his behavior that were right on point. She said to me only a few people can handle children such as your child then she said. Don't be ashamed be thankful. I never was ashamed it was just people would get mad at me because they would want to keep him and take him out with them and he just wasn't having it. So of course after telling me this the insurance that was covering my son at that time "dropped" that doctor and I had to switch him to another doctor. See what they do for those who will not conform?
Well to make a long story short this doctor wanted to conduct all this test "researching" minority children with delayed "sensory" and communication issues at that time they called it (Autism). However during the first test which was just a "Mom step out of the room and let's see how he reacts to us", test. A group of white people, some white kids and some black kids all the same age as my son. Let me tell yall when Kris looked up and saw his mom was gone. He went to cutting up. Then he went over by the black kids until I came back inside. I was in another room watching, you know how they watch a criminal being interrogated behind that "they can't see you" glass. I went inside grabbed him up the white lady said "Mom" knows what to do. And then she said "Mom, he is only acting like this because he doesn't trust us?" That stuck with me. They never offer medication though the lady wanted to but instead said "mom has a good grip" so I guess that meant she won't medicate him if we tried.
Now Imma really make yall think. Does anybody remember the Lipton Brisk tea commercials? There was this one in particular the commercial was black and white (animated) and the only color were in the eyes of the characters. Frank Sinatra (ole blue eyes) was in lots of them. Check it when those commercials would come on my son would flip out running and hiding and crying looking for me to save him until the commercial went off. Black innocent male baby don't know nothing about color however has been diagnose with the "he doesn't trust us disease". And he running from a (animated) Lipton commercial in black in white only showing the color of the EYES of the characters. Now think about that for a minute.
I remember taking him to a church my aunt attended in Cocoa, Fl. He was a little over two. It was a white church something like a cult I swear to God. Check it the minister, pastor, cult leader whatever he called himself wanted to hold my son. I was like uh oh... I said "noooo he's sleepy he might not want to be bothered"... You know you can't tell them nothing because they know everything so he says "oh it will be fine". Man dude tried to touch Kris, he went to acting like he was ready to go to war kicking and screaming and hollering. My aunt, I know for sure was embarrassed. I just grabbed him up took him outside he cried for a minute and then looked up at me like... "You know better, Mom". He wouldn't say it words but them eyes told a story as if he'd been here before. Now, well as you can see if you read his blogs... He definitely has a lot to say and he has certainly helped me understand the mind of a black man. The mind of god!
"For example, “THE WHITE MAN IS THE DEVIL.” We have to remember the climate of the country during this time. It was an all out war and the Nation was not about to back-down. The Nation of Islam, which was started by Elijah Muhammad and a white man named, Master Fard Muhammad, always pointed out that one day we would all live in harmony. Although this still isn't quite true, their message under the leadership of Minister Louis Farrakhan has evolved to fit the time.
It is true that some blacks are still not “free” and stuck in a slave mentality, due to the lingering affects of 400+ years of slavery. It is the recognition of this condition that the Nation continues its important work in ghettos across America, giving steady doses of spirituality or sense of higher self to many men and women who need it." - Uncle Rush
To read more on churches that have a thing for African Children click here.